parenting

Try Not to Act Weird.

Family, Life in Christ

Nothing says “Homeschool Family” like going out somewhere, all seven of us, in the middle of a school day! Having two girls in high school has limited our ability to go out as family on weekdays, but in years past when we did, I repeated one phrase quite often. As we entered a store, an estate sale, or a restaurant I would tell my kids, “Try not to act weird. Everyone knows you’re homeschooled!” I always said it with a smile, and my kids knew I was mostly joking. But let’s be honest, we all feel that way sometimes! We continually try to keep ourselves from standing out too much, drawing unnecessary attention or especially attracting criticism.

Part of the reason I could smirk and make a comment like that to our kids is based on the fact that they are very comfortable with being weird. In fact, we talk about it all the time. My oldest will laugh at herself and declare, “I’m weird! …which I’m totally okay with!” We are a weird family and frankly that’s the way we prefer it. Homeschooling is often thought of as weird. Having five kids is weird to some. Being part of a pastor’s family can draw unique attention. We like quirky old things. We enjoy sarcasm maybe more than most. And we all have unruly curly hair! I could go on…

But then there are the days when the tone is different. Laughter falls away and a child will come up to me and ask, “What’s wrong with me?” Or feelings of doubt creep in and they question their place in the world and how others view them. This is so common and normal in childhood, but the reality is it’s not just them. Even the most secure adult struggles with the concept of appearing weird at times.

There are endless trivial things that can categorize us as abnormal, but in light of eternity only one area really matters. Only one question really matters when it comes to how others perceive us. Do we reflect Christ and are we willing to look a bit weird doing it? Our need for security and affirmation can prove problematic as the gap between the life of a Christ-follower and the way of the world continues to widen. The enemy knows this, and will exploit our need for acceptance at every turn.

I’m not sure where your mind goes when you picture a believer who stands out in the world. If you’re thinking long denim skirts or extreme stances, that’s not what I’m referring to! Rather, are you willing to hold fast to what scripture calls us to even if the world disagrees? Are you willing to lavish love on an unbeliever even if your friends and family think it’s impractical or unnecessary? Are you willing to forgive when the world says you should seek retribution? Are you willing to lay down your preferences and comforts to preserve peace? Are you willing to truly honor others above yourself in contrast to the world’s insistence that self-focus/love/care is supreme?

This is only possible when we learn to find our identity and security in Christ alone, rather than in the opinions and affirmations of those around us. So are you good with being a bit weird? Not as a way of virtue signaling or gaining attention for yourself, but as a way of pointing others to our good God? May we, the Church, be a collection of weird people who are oddly loving, oddly kind, and oddly concerned about pointing the world to Christ.

“As for my and my house, we will serve the LORD,”….. and be a bit weird. 🙂

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9

Blessings,

To the Mama of Littles

Family, Life in Christ

Today I am Mama to five kids, ages 16 down to almost eight. But for 12 solid years I was Mama to someone in diapers. I have experienced so much mothering in the trenches, those days and years when you wonder what any of it is accomplishing. I could tell you so many stories, but instead I’ll share the progression… because someday, Mama, your Littles will become so much more than just the humans you care for. I promise.

Let’s start with Alice. She was born stubborn. She refused to nurse normally or go to sleep on her own. She would silently pee in her car seat as a three year old and stoically watch me come unglued when I realized it. She didn’t respond to spankings or emotional exhortations. She simply did not care about what Mama said. I didn’t think I would survive Alice’s quiet resolve to defy me at every turn. But God had Alice and He took hold of her heart. Today she is the sweetest friend to me. Her defiance gave way to an eagerness to please. And her remaining stubbornness now creates a firm resolve to cling to Christ and His ways. She stubbornly refuses to give up on people and has a quiet confidence in who she is as a daughter of the King. The first born who once challenged me in every way, is now challenging me by her example.

As a baby, Elsie loved to cuddle. This was so lovely after Alice, who didn’t want to be held too close and wasn’t very affectionate. For me, Elsie was an easy baby initially. She was easy to rock to sleep, she was sweet, happy and snuggly. But for everyone else, Elsie proved problematic. She screamed and screamed if anyone else held her. So eventually I became weary because my easy baby was becoming a very needy baby. I was exhausted from being the only one who could care for her. I was the only one who could feed her, put her to sleep, hold her, comfort her. But Elsie slowly learned to need me less. And ironically, God grew her into a young lady who is gifted at nurturing and caring for others. As soon as Elsie learned to read well, I recognized something special in her. She would gather the other kids and read to them. She was like a miniature mama, gathering her Littles beside her to teach them and nurture them. Now Elsie is the first to offer to help with her younger siblings’ school work. What an amazing help when you’re homeschooling five kids! I can’t count the number of times she has offered to do Lucy’s school lessons with her. She loves to care for other peoples babies and little ones, as well. And is quick to serve in anyway she can. The neediest baby grew into the sweetest helper.

My youngest three, Sadie, Virgil, and Lucy are still in the maturing process, but I have to chuckle at how different life is now compared to seven years ago. I remember working so hard to get all of my Littles dressed and presentable for church. I was exhausted by the time we got everyone loaded into the car. But my work was just beginning. The entire time at church I was on high alert, trying to keep my Littles in sight and out of trouble. Almost every Sunday during that season, Virgil would slip away and go missing. He was three and very very busy. I would get caught trying to engage with a church member, only to realize that I didn’t know where Virgil was. One particular Sunday, after a fair amount of searching, someone found V hiding in the kitchen pantry eating sugar packets. I was so embarrassed. I remember feeling like such a failure as a mom and pastor’s wife. Now the same children who once seemed to hold me back from ministering and participating in church are learning to be the Church. They all serve wherever they can. They love engaging with other believers. They are eager to do whatever they can to take pressure off of me. The babies I was once tripping over are now my co-laborers in Christ.

Our kids are not our own, which is a challenging but freeing reality. In every season we have a Faithful God who is shaping and growing our Littles. So keep pressing forward, Mama! There is joy as we seek to raise our children in obedience to God’s word. The results aren’t up to us, but our Good God is in control and we can trust Him for who they will become.

“Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will do it….Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him” Psalm 37:5,7

Blessings,